Fashion 101

How can one be trendy?

1. Sip on Starbucks in public

2. Look messy chic

3. Be lethargic and lead with your hands

4. Wear sunglasses, always

5. Tattoo yourself abstractly

6. Collect trinkets

7. Carry around a YSL shopping bag

8. Bangle up both your wrists

9. Buy organics at Whole Foods

10. Drink PBR's as a pregame

11. Over-dress for the weather

12. Designer drop what you're wearing

13. Snap polaroids during outings

14. Own a vintage bike

15. Make casual conversation about poetry

16. Not Dell, but Apple

17. Black must consume your wardrobe

18. Sushi for every meal

19. What is Walmart?

20. Do not smile with your mouth

21. Fashion Week is life

22. Smoke breaks initiate conversation

23. Your thighs cannot touch

24. Thrift in Brooklyn

25. Acquire fashionable friends

26. Chiffon worn daily

27. Topshop is a stress reliever

28. Read The Great Gatsby on the subway

29. Pale is the new tan

30. Blog about dive thai restaurants

Dedicated to all those who attend Parsons

and dorm dangerously close to my apartment.

Broadway is Dark Tonight

I'm in the mood where everything seems like an effort, examples being: making conversation with someone who speaks with a 5 monotonous word vocabulary or trying to persuade one who possesses the caliber of a deranged animal that's crazy in heat. Either way, it's a twisted world we live in, where people confuse themselves by over-analyzation and usage of trickery words at those we seek to pursue.

Bring me back to grade school/yesterday, where I'd throw sticks at the cute boys and not speak to them unless a note was passed in World History. Clearly, society hasn't entirely changed. Needless to say, I can safely speak on behalf of all males and females when I mention the most shared activity among all: The Game.

It doesn't come naturally to most and quite frankly so many people don't know how to participate. Those individuals probably will inherit soul mates early on in life and continue down the road of normality. Then there's those, such as myself, who wake up every morning without feeling like P. Diddy, and live to submerge in the game, which is more or less like Monopoly. Resist texting those we are interested in solely to make the impression we don't care. Then we may busy ourselves on the weekends so that certain someone is convinced our lives are that of a celebrity's who was just featured on the new Vanity Fair. Goes without saying- in the public eye, when we hang out in a large group, I will talk to everyone but you, so learn to fester up something charming to say.

It's all about flaunting what is not easily obtained -yourself. Done right, it will work on your behalf, as you inflate your ego with confidence and pride.

Cue in Goo Goo Dolls because East Village is also dark tonight. Goodnight.

Best of 3

I've officially been living in NYC for 3 months.

And needless to say, it's been a crazy ride.

Owning not a single regret.

Stop It

Attending Alice + Olivia and not Betsey Johnson?

Fashion Failure.

Maybe Fall 2011.

Gabe is currently in the running for a walk on role for Mad Men. Why wouldn't we want to see him more than we already do? If I had it my way, he'd be the face of all my toiletry products as well as a main character for every one of the dvd's/novels I'd own, to say the least.

VOTE.

2011

Betsey Johnson

You are the fiercest woman alive

Not to mention at seventy years of age.

Slap me a unlimited sum of money and I'd solely wear Betsey head to toe. Goes without saying, I'd dispose of all other designers for they mean nothing when hanging along side of gingham, plaids, and polka dots. Next spring will be a wild one.

RIDE ME

A piece of me will always remain in that showroom.

Period.

And Twist

I can't help but love 3OH!3's collaboration with Ke$ha. Even though she's more of a mess than the most disastrous houses on Hoarders, it's a wonderful jingle to pre-up your night as you primp your appearance and mass text confusing statements. Perhaps that's just me.

Regardless, it kills me to say I enjoy anything that Ke$ha partakes in, so please note that I still stand behind my statement of questing to solely prove to society that such a chaotic, challenged individual should not be given the title "pop icon." She is the reason adolescents cry out for attention by carrying around swiss army knives and yelling profanity during charity events. If you want to waste 3.32 minutes of your life, YouTube "My First Kiss."

Thoughts:

1. This song should not have a video

2. Ke$ha is disgusting and should be sheltered from all eyes

3. Who was the stylist? He or she should be unemployed

4. Please explain the "extras" selected -were these girls pulled out of rehab? or are they friends with Ke$ha in real life? Both would make complete sense

5. Cut your hair

Not Fair

Dear Mr. Saporta,

Please do not flaunt yourself at Empire Hotel lounge, as if it is such an unrealistic event for me to attend. I do, in fact, go most every Saturday but unfortunately not this one. I'm unsure how I should feel: blatantly betrayed or jaded by your twisted, never ending rollercoaster. Needless to say- both. I need to step up my game just a notch. Clearly following your Twitter isn't enough.

Thank you for dressing appropriately, as we all know Empire does not allow trendy gym shoe wearing boys up to the rooftop. Don't you worry, I already harassed the owner for not knowing of my obsession prior to this situation to give me a heads up in regards to your appearance. Let's be honest, for the sake of the US Open shindig, it was a blessing I wasn't there.

I currently wouldn't be blogging.

I would be trying to bail myself out of jail.

Meet me in the club, it's going down.

XOXO, Your Soulmate

Perfection

just another update.

going to Angels & Kings, see you soon my love.

Irony

The brutal truth:

How are you? Wait, I actually don't care.

Excuse me as I leave to go to the bathroom, my real intent is to strut by that much hotter guy over there.

That's a nice name I'll never remember.

Sorry, returning eye contact must have presented this situation.

Keep talking, we're creating a game in front of my boyfriend.

How do I know you again? I apologize, you have to be working on Wall Street or have remarkable features to jog my memory.

Hi, I'm really alarmed. Do we all have a shallow sense of manners? We could really care less about people that have nothing to offer us. It's pretty pathetic, so I encourage you to not sit down to think about it. Let's be honest, you should really beat yourself up over how we aren't facebook friends. How do we get ourselves back to being decent human beings? I'd rather have a confusing, blunt personality that spews of hidden meaning than live in a fantasy world being puppet mastered into acquiring best friends due to heavy drinking.

Dear Spencer, Gregory, Kyle, Dustin, Andrew & Maurice:

Although we had a fun night talking about your new car and flirting as you so nicely encouraged the bartender to keep filling my glass without asking if I wanted to continue indulging in such liquor, thank you for swiftly pushing me to the realization that you are just another "Mr. Right Now." You are filling my time as I gleefully drape in the Manhattan scene of which I adore more than Pinkberry after a long day of work. I wanted a reason to go out in my new studded apparel that shockingly wasn't worn to entice you but to only satisfy me. If you want your witty, trying way too hard text message to be returned within the proceeding weeks, please put forth the effort so mindless conversation that only proves you are smarter than a crazed baboon doesn't happen again.

Peace, Love, & Red Stripe

Bre