The following has been stated by myself to a friend via Facebook, the bible/life of our generation:
"I might change my blog to: Blog By Day & Gabe By Night. Simply detailing my quest to find him in NYC once he returns from Asia. How I possibly know all this information is alarming. One may think I have too much time on my hands, but really I just channel my gabe-dar quickly and efficiently through small loop holes in my schedule."
Comical at first read; terrifying once you know I'm not joking. Speaking of hands, I can't get mine on accurate information regarding Gabe's relationship status.
He's dating Bianca. Bianca who? Google the Elle video of these two lovebirds. She thinks she trumps her quirky cute boyfriend since she's the director of sales of Vera Wang's RTW. Um, no big deal. I met her 2 years ago when I worked there for a hot day. Surprisingly, she doesn't look as washed out and plain as a brunette. If the rumors are true, I'll be a happy camper: "After 4 years of dating, Gabe and girlfriend Bianca broke up." That tall, Latin, 6 foot 5 perfection on a stick is mine. Clearly he's my soulmate for numerous reasons, but one sticks out specifically: he ages at the same rate I do. He looks 20 and he's 30. Not to say that I look 12, but without makeup anything is a gamble.
**BREAKING NEWS** Mid-blog post I found the address of Gabe's new $739,000 loft in East Village. How I obtained that, you shut your mouth.
For your knowledge, please practice the Cobra Starship hand signal at home behind closed doors before you embarrass yourself in public. Here are the 5 easy steps:
1) Take left hand and spread out fingers as if you were giving someone a high five.
2) Take right hand and make a peace sign, but "claw" those two fingers. rawr.
3) Keeping both hands as directed, place your left palm on top of right back of hand.
4) Turn on Hot Mess and sing.
5) Wear a purple hoodie.