a humorist at the level of epicness one can only desire to achieve.
"Sometimes when I am in meetings, I imagine I am a robot programmed not to realize I am a robot and if the code word 'quantifiable' is mentioned, I will explode. I never do though. Other times I imagine I am a small Indian girl collecting water for my village in brightly painted clay pots."
I love you.
He's just an average Australian guy, who finds great pleasure in attacking people through Internet slander with the composition of personal email chains. And by people I mean his friends, family, co-workers, and those he encounters in his daily life. Do I admire his following? Absolutely. His vast vocabulary, effortless belittlement, and direct tormenting has me entertained for hours.
You probably thought and/or hoped I forgot about Gabe Saporta.
A creature so divine, utterly perfect, and triumphant to the entire male species doesn't slip my mind as retail math and maturity do over the weekend. Enjoy the plethora of casual encounters within this awkwardly played up video. Without Gabriel and gaudy American pride, there's not a single purpose. As for when I will run into him casually outside his own apartment in Union Square…
Hi. My dad is one of the best drummers in the entire world. His band is legendary; needless to say, everyone naturally knows each lyric to every song. I will casually be famous by association and default. My future is beaming so effortlessly.
Please note, I'm not even double digits and already trendier than all of downtown Brooklyn.
Located on the corner of Chrystie & Stanton, this drag-esque lounge isn't a far cry from the Mr. Brightside production. As both are that of a masquerade ball, I find it unchivalrous to copy such talent and wisdom from a legendary band. Specifically, this song brings me back to sophomore year in high school, where nap time in study hall/detention consisted of none other than The Killers "Hot Fuss" album on repeat.
Coming from an individual who spends about two hours picking out a birthday card, I know prioritizing isn't exactly a walk in the park. With that being said, next time Pandora shoots me some old school Story of the Year that I can't quite handle at 10am, I will nonchalantly refrain from enduring the pain by easily selecting "next." I'm sorry, but crippling pain makes me think of none other than Texas. Hands down the last State in this country I would ever want to consider my home/natural habitat. Throw me a wholesome country boy, hillbilly lyrics, and a beaten up cowboy hat and you'll receive nothing short of violent verbal abuse. Such a place isn't a vacation; it's torture. Find me in my black leather, studded attire sitting along side of a busted ranch with mascara running down my face in anxiety and fear.
Back to my wisdom: take everything a day at a time. As we are all prone to think about the future, know that it's utterly impossible when we don't know what tomorrow will bring. If only if we could plan accordingly to our horoscopes would I consider becoming a gypsy. Until then, I will keep calm and carry on.
As this was the topic of conversation at dinner, it's baffling to recap everything done in life due to an outcome of something else. Take out one event in the past, and you'd be defaulted an entirely different lifestyle. Think about it deeply and you'll get the goosebumps. From the smaller scale decisions to the big ones, everything builds off the other. If I never went to Purdue University, I wouldn't be blogging in my first NYC apartment. If I never switched my major, I wouldn't have worked for a year at Betsey Johnson. If Blink 182 never formed a band, I wouldn't have spent the majority of my college Friday nights jumping and singing in a fraternity "party" room, leaving sorority sisters angry with annoyance. Needless to say, if my fancy puppy wasn't apart of the Chiero's, he wouldn't have a Facebook. The biggest statement to comprehend: The same people, aside from my family, wouldn't be in my life.
I cannot even fathom.
Without these events, perhaps I wouldn't be as twistedly confusing, as creating new words is a talent of mine. Maybe I would have played with the idea of normalcy for a few years longer instead of acting out obnoxiously to raise an eyebrow. And maybe I, too, would already be married with a mediocre job back in my hometown if my ambitions were as detailed as a blank sheet of paper.
As this is my ultimate life's motto, I hold myself accountable for each action, since fate is that of a fantasy entity of misfortune. Indeed, things do happen out of reason, but it's based off of the impulse or planned-out decisions we, solely, make. Own it.